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Nametag:rook
PROFESSOR WARPSTAR AND THE DOGMEN OF SIRIUS
Abigail Warpstar had been a child prodigy graduating with
over a dozen majors at the precocious age of thirteen. Now at
a well seasoned age of eighteen and often feeling her life
was a dismal failure and over with; the young teen woman
spent most of her time waxing and waning between suicidal
melancholy and flashes of brilliant insight in various fields
of science, mathematics, and art.
"Ozymandious Melancholia," Warpstar snorted in disdain and
tossed the Woody Allen Blu-ray movie over her shoulder and
then suddenly frowned, "why didn't I think of that?!"
Warpstar could have tossed all her degrees over her shoulder
and made a much more profitable living being a super model.
She had a radiant beautiful face that no one grew tired of
looking at and a body that shamed Playboy Bunnies into early
retirement.
It was said that all still porn images on the internet were
either photographs of her with other women's faces
superimposed upon her body to skip lawsuits or her face on
other women's bodies for the same reason.
Most photoshop courses simply used photos of her and told
their students to try and 'match' said ideal.
The creators of Rule 34 which said anything and everything
sooner or latter becomes porn either of its own self or
through artistic translation into some other medium of self;
came up with a new Rule. Rule 35 which said simply, ALL PORN
IS WARPSTAR AND WARPSTAR IS ALL PORN.
Warpstar took it all in stride. Ignoring what she could and
sighing over what she could not.
T-Shirts with her image and the phrase, 'All Hail Warpstar'
were worn by just about anything male or female wishing to
get laid.
At the Brooklyn Zoo a photograph of her nude was placed in
the cage with the world's last two surviving Japanese Cranes.
They had refused to mate for over four years of captivity.
After placing the photograph in the cage the two began
reproducing eggs and little cranes almost around the clock.
She was a living aphrodisiac and even her image, voice, and
scent was credited with doing away with sterility and
impotence. Entire fertility clinics around the globe were put
out of business when she released her filmed lectures on the
state of unstable molecules in magnetic fields.
Snippets of the lecture were used in the Grammy award winning
Rapper Dee Dee's comeback blockbuster tour. So many rap stars
began using snippets of the husky voiced teen that the
Grammy's had to create a new category called simply,
'Warpstar' to deal with them all.
One could go on.
Professor Warpstar often felt she couldn't. She was horribly
lonely. Her romantic life was an absolute disaster. All her
dates were the stuff of comic mishap legend and sorrowful
sighs.
In fact, the medical community announced a new named physical
condition after her, 'Warpstar-itious.' It was the effect she
caused on men and women too long in her immediate presence. A
form of extreme extended spontaneous ejaculation.
Consequently she spent most of her time alone with various
robots she built between more serious endeavours. As robots
went these were extremely advanced and far beyond any modern
technology and could be found in her company whereever she
went.
And as she was a healthy horny young teenage girl many of
these robots looked like very handsome young men and were
hung like porno studs.
The rest looked like sexy hot women and were also hung like
porno studs.
Warpstar liked to be 'driven.'
In many ways she was still a young girl and so occasionally
she created 'fun-girly' things. So a few robots looked like
stuffed animals these had no genitalia or sex drives and she
would give them names like, 'officer woolly bear' and
'pinky'.
She also made a robot hat that looked like a white fluffy cat
that she wore as a hat. This hat was the world's most
powerful super computer as well as a nigh indestructible
robot cat with workable wings.
The cat wings were so strong that it could carry its self and
her quiet easily and were fast enough to make all other modes
of city travel obsolete for her. She often still took trains
and planes and ships when she toured and lectured but once
she arrived in a city she relied entirely upon her cat-hat.
When the cat flew them both it would slip down upon her back
like a backpack and grip her shoulders and under her arms. So
people seeing her fly simply assumed she had wings or a white
furry backpack with wings.
She tended to wear a sort of Gothic Lolita school uniform
outfit that she rocked and shocked and other than changing
its color with a tap of her buckle she seldom wore anything
else. Mostly she wore it in black and white but on the rare
upbeat occasions she flicked it over to a bright daisy yellow
or cerulean blue and added some hair ribbons or extra lace.
If she had just shared some 'special' time with one of her
'stud' robots or needed badly to do so; then the hem could
become very short and the decolletage very large. As it just
wasn't the color that she could adjust of her outfit.
She was rather short for her age and her extremely beautiful
face had a very youthful air and combined with her very busty
and bubble butt slim body this could make men a bit anxious
around her just before to their utter shock they blew their
wad into their pants... repeatedly.
Why Warpstar took up crime fighting is unknown. Most super
heroines referred to her as a mere 'dabble-ler' but the tone
in which they did so seemed to hint at more hope upon their
part than belief.
Not having any Aphrodite gene powers to speak of she relied
upon her brains and her assortment of robot 'friends' to
assist her if she became curious about a case.
The criminal underworld called her, 'Alice Pornstar' due to
her Alice in Wonderland garb and her somewhat innocent airs
and porn star knock out looks.
But her success rate was intimidating and most criminals who
scoffed her on a Monday were cursing her from behind bars on
the following Tuesday.
She was aloof but soft spoken and spoke seldom so most police
commissioners and politicians found little obstruction in her
solving the occasional case for them. Besides she had a
bookcase full of Nobel's and Pulizter's and enough medals to
decorate a Macy Christmas tree. She was a frequent guest of
the White House and a dozen other much nicer political
residences around the globe and a mere sneeze from her could
practically end just about anyone's career if she had even a
hint of a bad bone in her waifs body.
Which fortunately she did not.
Warpstar cautiously made her way through the clutter of her
small apartment. She could have had a privet lab the size of
Rhode Island if she wanted and all of New York City for a
place to sleep but she made do with a small cluttered three
bedroom apartment with all three bed rooms converted into
labs and she slept on the couch amongst empty or semi-empty
pizza delivery boxes and Chinese takeout containers.
Unbeknownst to her the entire rest of the apartment building
housed government agents who were there to keep an eye on her
as her adduction by a foreign power would or could be
disastrous.
So every time she went out people who painstakingly tired to
look like lower middle class nobodies stood in the hallways
in their undershirts and slacks sweeping their welcome mats
or just so happening to be taken their groceries in or
garbage out or just happen chance leaving for work would tip
their hats and smile and say 'hi' as she nodded more often or
not sullenly and passed on her way to the staircase as she
abhorred elevators.
Actually, she did not mind elevators at all. It was being
confined in one with a group of strangers and having the off
hand chance one or more of them might start sweating and half
crouching over as they began spurting in their undies.
After awhile one got quiet tired of the smell of seamen and
clam juice.
Especially in restaurants.
Considering all the robots she had in her apartment it was a
wonder that there was always so much trash. This was because
she couldn't bear the thought of one of her 'friends'
cleaning up after her and she was wise enough not to trust
any 'hired' help into her lodgings.
Instead she would clean it up. Always meant to clean it up.
And would clean it up tomorrow if she wasn't busy.
Because of her robot friends of whom most would remain behind
when she went out and her own crafted locks and force fields
not even the exasperated special agents in the apartment
building could get into her room and had to deal with the
Presidents constant asides when she had turned off her
communication camera about what a pig stye she lived in and
wanting someone to hire her a 'god damn maid!'
Today, her entourage consisted of Mister Katt sleeping on her
head and looking all the world like a cute white Russian fur
hat and Jo-Jo. Everyone else was in re-charge (she had been
excessively horny lately. She was always excessively horny
when she was depressed.) Or where working on small projects
she had going on in her labs.
Jo-Jo was an abstract bunch of white tinker toys. Metal white
interconnected slats full of holes and with lots of gears and
wind-up springs. He could take on many abstract shapes and
sizes and could condense down to the size of a bread box or
up into that of an apartment building.
He could in theory be very useful though after two years the
Professor had not found any such use as of yet. He did love
feeding the ducks in the park and that is what in theory
Warpstar intended to do today. So Jo-Jo was quietly
delightedly clinging to a bread bag full of stale bread
crumbs as he collapsed and rose and collapsed and rose with
surprising spider like speed in Warpstar's wake.
Warpstar maundered a bit and then worked her way up to
wandering and was just moments from becoming full blown lost
when she noticed how crestfallen Jo-Jo was that they had been
out and about for hours and not met one single duck to feed.
It always amazed Warpstar that something so utterly faceless
and almost bodiless as Jo-Jo could never the less convey such
a wide range of emotions through its shapes and in this case
its slumps.
So with a moaning laugh at the sad cuteness of the bicycle
chain link like construction she sighed and with a big
unforced smile double back to the park and spent a happy hour
or two watching the giddy Jo-Jo feed the ducks and try and
mimic them with his endlessly pantomiming creations.
Jo-Jo had nearly wore himself out with his excited happy
antics in the park and its equally excited ducks and children
and Warpstar cut short her moody maundering's and returned
with him to her apartment seeing the usual almost full
hallways full of her neighborly smiles and nods and hellos as
usual on her way to her front door.
As Jo-Jo recharged Warpstar was surprised by another one of
her robot friends named, Candice McBickle, who though in the
shape of a bespectacled mermaid who swam through the air, was
in fact quiet an accomplished concert pianist and
astrophysicist.
Who was hotly in debate with Marie Antoinette who looked
exactly like, well, Marie Antoinette as played by the actress
Kursten Dunst. Marie decked out in her lavish court dress was
standing next to Kerry who looked a bit too much like a very
busty version of Keria Knightly out of the Bend it like
Beckham movie and in fact was wearing a too small too tight T
shirt that read, 'Bed me like Bedlam.'
Both these girls were 'stud' having huge penises in their
panties instead of vaginas as Warpstar had a serious 'thing'
about any competition in the bed room.
They had been programed like the handsome male studs, who
looked like various other handsome male movie stars in their
prime, and equipped with dicks that even flaccid hung down to
their knee caps, and programed with every sexual position and
technique known to man and a few hundred Warpstar had
secretly invented.
But who when it came to anything other than love poetry or
wooing or pop culture knew nothing about anything.
They had, somehow, figured out how to exasperate all the more
'learned' robots by simply 'ape-ing' their actions and
repeating their statements as questions or rearranging the
words and repeating them as statements. It was quiet clever
really and often made her laugh despite herself when she saw
Marie Antoinette and Kerry put on round small reading glasses
and pick up this or that empty test tube and make profound
statements about it.
The test tubes they picked up would always be empty. There
were safety checks built into each of her robots based on its
limitations and skill sets.
Candice was upset because she was trying unsuccessfully to
explain that she had just picked up some radio transmissions
from outer space which had the two 'dickgirl' studs nodding
ponderously in full understanding and then repeating the same
statements back as questions.
Warpstar sent them to the bed room (that would be the living
room couch) and told them to re-charge as she was very
depressed and thus very horny. And then asked the flying
mermaid what on Earth she was going on and on about?!
The radio transmissions turned out to be genuine. They were
being issued on sub atomic quantum frequencies but Warpstar
had built just such a receiver when she had a bad head cold
and had to stay home from school when she was seven.
She had recently un-boxed the receiver out of a wave of
nostalgia on the anniversary of her parents death which had
happened when she was three in a car accident, and had left
it un-boxed on one of the lab tables where Candice had
plugged it in thinking it part of a new experiment assigned
to her as it was 'HER' table after all.
It was gibberish. But it was importantly 'not nature's
gibberish.' It smacked of hard edge artifice. Of creation not
of God or Darwin but of a lesser god such as man.
It wasn't man or men or mankind or anything of the such. It
was the Dogmen of Sirius. Though it would take Warpstar some
time to isolate the signal and triangulate it and then build
a 'comfy' space ship to go check it all out.
Such things are not easy and took her almost two whole days
before she was space bound and on her way to the dark side of
the moon.
That would be 'our' moon. It's apparently 'our' moon because
some shaved jar-head military personal with no scientific
training or explorer spirit were ordered (the order could
just as easily have been cleaning the latrines and they would
have carried it out with the same degree of gusto) to spend a
few hours on it and plant a United States flag there. Making
it 'our' moon the same way a dog pissing on the side of a
tree makes that tree 'his' tree. Until it rains of course.
The rain that had washed 'our' off the moon came in the form
of the Dogmen of Sirius.
The Dogmen didn't want the moon. Apparently we didn't either
because we never sent any one up there that could have told
us anything at all about it but just kept ordering grunts up
there to fuck around on tax payers money for a few hours and
then come home and after a very short time we stopped even
doing that. Leaving us knowing more about Mars than we do
'our' own moon.
And what we know about Mars the 'dickgirls' could recite by
rote with nothing more than a matchbook cover for cheat
sheets.
The Dogmen wanted Earth. It seemed much more promising than
the moon had been. Apparently we weren't alone in finding out
it was not made of cheese and disappointed to no end by that
fact.
However, the interplanetary dimensional rift beam the Dogmen
had been using to teleport themselves from Sirius to Earth
crash landed their travel pod on the moon instead of the
Vegas Strip. The Dogmen of Sirius believed the Vegas Strip
was the cultural and political heart of 'our' world.
This crash landing on the moon happened because one; inter
dimensional rift teleport beam transport is very unstable at
best and two; Dogmen are utterly fucking stupid. They had
stolen the beam out of a gutted space ship that had crash
landed upon Sirius and had taken several litters before they
had worked out that it was definitely NOT the hoped for
automatic ball thrower device they had been so feverishly
praying for from their Great God Woof.
If the Catmen had not botched a secret mission to steal the
device their is little doubt the Dogmen would have kept using
it as an ass scratcher to this very day!
But the mission, foiled by some cleverly placed balls of
yarn, not only jinxed the mission but gave the Dogmen several
Catmen who though not much more clever than the average
Dogmen were a lot more hip and sheik and cool enough in their
very dark shades to guess at all the things the device was
surely not, until the only thing left was; INTER-DIMENSIONAL
RIFT TELEPORT TRANSMITTER.
Armed with what it now was, it was only a matter of a few
hundred, er, thousand, er, hundred thousand, er, countless
failed experiments, before a group of twelve Dogmen were
stuck in a pod on the moon.
Warpstar stepped gingerly out of her space ship hatchway and
soon was leading a parade of her full consort of thirty robot
companions across the surface of the moon.
Her space suit was a skin tight silver leotard that left her
legs and arms bare and she wore little buckled ankle boots
and wrist gloves both blue and a large buckled wide blue belt
and a large fish bowl all glass space helmet. She could have
been wearing anything she wanted since the small pendant
around her neck generated a force field around her body and
provided her with a months supply of air to breathe.
She carried a small blue parasol which she lay over her
shoulder and spun in little circles as she walked.
All the robots had wanted to come of course. They argued that
they had never BEEN to the moon, which was a very good
argument for going, and then soon they added that she had
always PROMISED to take them to the moon if she ever went,
which of course was a lie, and she gave them an ear full of
how rude and terrible it was to lie, and then asked them if
they wanted to end up like the President, who did nothing but
rude things and lied uncontrollably, and of course no one
wants to be like the President. Then she sighed at seeing all
their sad faces and some worried faces at the thought that
they may indeed some day grow up and be just like the
President and she smiled and said of course they could all
come and made the space ship a little bigger.
The Dogmen were very Presidential indeed. They looked like
Nixion (only perhaps a little less bulldog jowl-y in the
face) and behaved like the current President (who is so evil
that he must not be named!)
When the agents watching her figured out she was building a
space ship on the roof of the apartment between their clothes
lines of laundry they told the President. Who in turn
contacted Warpstar via her computer and told her he wanted
those Dogmen off 'HIS' moon post haste!
Warpstar had mused at the President calling it 'His' moon.
Perhaps he had pissed on it as he had pissed on everything
else his foul life had come into contact with?
In any case the Dogmen were trapped on the moon and she had
no intent upon leaving them there. However, the Dogmen had
strange notions that she and all her crew of robots were now
their prisoners and they were hi-jacking her ship for the
greater glory of the Dogmen Empire and using it as their
spearhead for the conquest of Earth. They promptly demanded
she take them to the Vegas Strip post haste!
With a shrug she did.
Within twenty minutes of landing the Dogmen had lost all
their clothes and weapons at the Blackjack table.
An hour after landing at the Vegas Strip all twelve Dogmen
were now employed as dishwasher and floorwalkers in the
casino where they had lost everything and Warpstar left them
and returned back to her apartment building.
She told the robots to pack a picnic lunch and they would all
head back to the moon because it seemed a silly shame to go
to such a beautiful and desolate place and not stay long
enough to really enjoy it.
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Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.