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CRIMES AT MIDNIGHT
A sound of static, then the whine of a radio dial whirling,
more static then the sound of a zipper being unzipped
followed by a cry of astonishment and then a kiss.
MISTY KISS
Kiss, kiss, faithful listeners.
This is your surprise host Misty
Kiss filling in for this weeks
suddenly missing super heroine
guest host, Wolf Woman and Cub. And
this is FEM Radio. The all feminist
all the time Delta City radio
station. Fighting the good fight
one dick at a time.
A sound of chatter and shushing and then applause.
MISTY KISS
Most of you will know me from my
morning show, Cock Talk, but here
we are in the wee-wee hours when
FEM brings you all the great and
groovy Delta City super heroine-ing
you can handle and then some. And
it is Tuesday night so that means
Retro-Super Heroine Theater. So I
hope you kiddies dusted off your
decoder rings with a good blow.
A stirring musical march score rises and then falls away.
MISTY KISS
That's right my little warriors of
woman's rights. Before there was
the Ms. Americana and Green Specter
and Got Gal of today there were
other super heroines from the 70's,
60's, 50's, dating all the way back
to the 1920's. The White Wraith,
the Black Beetle, the Golden
Guardian, just as famous then as
our own intrepid heroines are
today.
And just as there are men now who
can't handle the idea of a powerful
sexy woman in control, there were
men back then who couldn't handle
their in your face tits, eh, fists
of justice.
They didn't have social media back
then or the internet or cell phones
or Television. So to try and make
sense out of these proud and
powerful scantily clad women in
their tights and tiaras they used
the cutting edge mass media of
their day. Radio.
This included not only re
broadcasts of the twice daily news
paper depicting their real world
battles against corruption and
crime; but fictional radio drama
plays depicting the marauding
masked maidens of might in a more
entertaining light. As well as
interviews with the real life
beauties behind the bustier who
both inspired these radio dramas
and battled the beasts of that long
ago city so like ours and yet so
alien to us now.
So settle back and get comfy. Let
your hair down and your girls out.
Here it comes; FEM brings you
another super heroine radio blast
from the past. Straight out of the
Delta City Museum Archives. So un
straddle that man and give this
your head instead.
The sound of more static and the whirl of a radio dial and
then the pop and hiss of a phonograph player overlaying a
growing musical score of heralding triumph.
LIVE MALE ANOUNCER
And remember golden filling Corn-a
bix for that late night snack.
Yummie right out of the box! And
now on with the show!
Sound of a live audience applauding as an orchestral strikes
up incidental music.
LIVE MALE ANOUNCER
Today we make our way to that
secret lab where Doctor Purity Lane
and her faithful adopted assistant,
Charity Lane are working diligently
to find a cure for the measles!
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Hand me that flask of Uranium-40
Charity. Careful now.
CHARITY LANE
Here you are doctor. I sure hope
this works! Millions of children
world wide are in dire need of this
cure!
Oh! It's the Atomic-Communicator!
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Yes. It seems some one is trying to
contact us on our secret frequency.
I had better answer it while you
put this back into the lead safe. I
feel our task for the night is
about to be interrupted.
Yes. This is Doctor Lane. Who is
calling?
CHASTITY HILLS
Doctor Lane? This is Chastity
Hills.
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Yes, Chastity always a pleasure to
hear from you, but I suspect since
you are using your secret atomic
communication bracelet which I gave
to you for use in cases of
emergency only situations that this
is not a social call.
CHASTITY HILLS
Sadly no, doctor. I am afraid your
suspicions about Professor Zin Zang
may have had merit. Working as I do
at the Cobalt Club in the chorus
and as a privet dancer for the
elite patrons. I have had ample
opportunity to keep an eye on Zin
as he makes an almost regular
nightly visit to the club and asks
for me on each visit to come and
dance for him in his privet rooms.
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
That foul fiend has an almost
compulsive disorder for excessively
large breasts on a young skinny
woman.
I knew once he got a gander of your
own G-cups he would be on you like
flies on butter.
CHASTITY HILLS
Ah, yes. He certainly seems fixated
upon my girls.
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
The chauvinist pig! But has he said
something? You mentioned my
suspicions about the man were well
founded. What have you seen or over
heard him say to bring you to that
conclusion?
CHASTITY HILLS
Well, nothing all at once. In fact
he seems to talk to the girls more
than to my face, but just this
night while he was, er, motor
boating in the highlands, if you
get my meaning, he was interrupted
by another Asian gentle man who I
have never seen before.
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Was this man as short and stout as
Zin is tall and thin and did he
have a distinctive scar running
past his left eye?
CHASTITY HILLS
Yes! That's him! You know the man?
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Well, that I did not. But yes, he's
one Hung by name. And worthy of
that name if the description of all
those women he has fouled are to be
taken as accurate.
CHASTITY HILLS
Oh! I would I could answer to that.
But he had his pants on the entire
time he was there. I did hear some
of what the two men said together
as they were too excited in their
speech to leave the room or bid me
to leave it but huddled off to the
side while I feigned indifference
and ignorance.
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Pray tell! What did you hear?
CHASTITY HILLS
Not a lot that made sense to me but
something I thought I should relate
to your ears as it seemed strange
and you are always after me to tell
you about any strange and unusual
things I may see or experience.
Usually you seem to want to know
about the sexual perversions that
men pay me to-
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Yes, yes. That's all right. No need
to go into that now. Just tell me
what you overheard Zin and Hung
talk about.
CHASTITY HILLS
Very well. But there was that same
stud from Blakeshire yesterday that
you are so engrossed with
documenting and this time as well
as the costume and collar he
brought this sheep with him-
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Tomorrow will be fit enough for
that. But for now... what discourse
did you eavesdrop on with this Zin.
CHASTITY HILLS
So you want me to come by tomorrow
and act it all out for you again?
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Eckhem. I pray you to the immediate
point at hand!
CHASTITY HILLS
Well then. It was not too clear to
me but the gist of it was that this
here Hung wanted Zin to leave with
him immediately to pier 37 where a
ship called the Illustrious Dove
was berthed. They left not more
than half an hour ago!
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Half an hour?! Why by all that's
sacred and duty bound of our fair
nation! Why did you wait so long to
contact me!
CHASTITY HILLS
You know how Zin is. He tied me up
as he always does when he, er, well
finishes the 'dance.' It takes me a
while to get out of those ropes of
his. I knew the importance so I
called as soon as I worked my wrist
free. I showed you how he does it.
It took you almost an hour to get
yourself free of-
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Yes of course. Thanks Chastity for
the information!
CHASTITY HILLS
I take it you are heading to the
docks then after Zin? If so do you
think you could swing by the Cobalt
Club and help me out of these
ropes? The thing is Zin was extra
excited, no doubt by Hung's
presence and his need to hurry, and
well he nearly glued my eyes shut.
It stings and I can't rightly see!
And its all a bit tight even for
him and -
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Sorry Chastity; nation to save and
all that. Doctor Lane out!
CHARITY LANE
Gosh! Who would have thought that
being a chorus line dancer was
so... involved?
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Yes. Just another of our unsung
hero sisters in this foul and
deranged city. From scullery maid
to bankers wife we are all united
in our sisterhood of
enfranchisement for personal, nay,
universal liberty for all!
CHARITY LANE
I take it then I will be suiting up
again for this outing?
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
It would seem once again our fair
and befouled city calls for the
super heroine might of... Atomic
Lass!
CHARITY LANE
You know I don't mind putting on
the costume and doing my part to
thwart crime in our besmirched
city. But, well, does it HAVE to
show so much skin?!
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
As I have said a million times now.
The atomic rays from the
transformation device must imbue
themselves upon your naked body.
Then after you emerge with your
super powers fully charged the more
skin left exposed the more power
you can use and unleash. So the
costume you put on HAS to be a
trifle immodest.
CHARITY LANE
Yeah. I get that, I really do, it's
just that you know you can see
my... unmentionables.
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Now, now. We are fighting for the
very future of liberty and mankind!
CHARITY LANE
My nipples, in public, and you can
see them.
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Think upon the glory and wonder we
do for all the humane race!
CHARITY LANE
And my groin. It digs in so deeply.
You can see everything that not
even a husband should see!
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
How many girls would so willingly
don that garment of worldly
chastity and purity and honor so
renowned as it is for truth,
justice, and the pursuit for the
protection of liberty!
CHARITY LANE
Well my guess is that it would be
far fewer than one might expect
when they get a good look at it and
realize its an almost see-through
tight stretchy top and bottom made
out of the most flimsy and
superficial of material. In fact, I
am willing to bet that half of them
would tell you to go fig yourself.
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Now, now, enough of this carping.
It's just the warhorse pawing at
the ground as it sniffs the air of
the coming battle. Nerves, nothing
but the giddy blood tensing for the
upcoming adventure. We both feel
it!
CHARITY LANE
Ah, yeah. I take it you will be
staying here in the lab again and
talking to me over the helmet ear
phones?
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Of course! You won't see me
shirking MY duty to country and the
right of the rule of law!
CHARITY LANE
You know I have always wondered why
I can wear a helmet and thigh high
boots and opera gloves but almost
nothing else?
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Are we still on this?! Now, hurry
strip naked and get into the atomic
chamber. Stop twaddling!
CHARITY LANE
Could I at least have a cape? Some
token of maidenly modesty for when
the press show up with their flash
bulb cameras? Those newspaper
pictures show EVERYTHING!
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Clothes off and into the chamber
now, now, now! I have been after
Zin since his arrival over a year
ago. I know he is behind several of
the most recent industrial
'accidents' as well as the theft of
several secret government documents
but I have been sure there is even
something more sinister he has been
working on in our fair city! This
public meeting up with the equally
dubious Mister Hung may be the
keystone to unlocking all of their
shadowy schemes!
Aren't you naked yet?! What is it
with young girls these days?! Why,
when I was your age I could be out
of my knickers in less time than it
took a pecker to harden!
CHARITY LANE
Well that would be a waste. To
hurry to wait. Geesh! I can do it
myself! Stop yanking on my bra
strap! You're worse than those
thugs you send me out to apprehend!
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Sigh. If only my atomic ray machine
worked on me. But alas you have
some special semi-awakened gene
that allows its rays to grant you
super powers if only for a short
time.
So much of life is wasted on the
youth. They neither appreciate nor
fathom its depth of wonder.
Panties off girl and get into that
cylinder! No more back talk and I
don't want to hear anymore about,
'is it safe?'!
LIVE MALE ANOUNCER
As our teen super heroine Atomic
Lass prepares herself for the
nights adventures ahead lets take a
moment with our studio audience and
welcome our special guest tonight,
the one, the only, The Plutonium
Patriot!
Sounds of loud applause and whistling.
LIVE MALE ANOUNCER
Welcome The Plutonium Patriot! I
wonder if the audience tonight both
in the studio and at home realize
that the fictional live drama they
are listening to is loosely based
on your own real life exploits?
THE PLUTONIUM PATRIOT
Well, I have no idea about that.
But I do dimly remember an incident
involving some oriental business
men and some industrial sabotage
and theft of important top secret
metallurgist techniques from early
in my career.
LIVE MALE ANOUNCER
For our listeners at home let me
mention that you, yourself, are not
wearing any kind of costume but
instead your entire body glows with
an almost blinding light. In fact,
I as well as the studio audience
have been given and are wearing
these special goggles so that we
may actually look at you.
THE PLUTONIUM PATRIOT
Well, I hope you are all liking
what you are seeing. As you said my
bodies natural glow makes it
superfluous for me to wear a
costume as no one can look at me
but in an eye watering squint but
with those glasses I am sure you
and the studio audience are getting
an eye full!
General laughter and wolf whistles.
LIVE MALE ANOUNCER
Whenever we have a real life super
heroine on the show I always ask
her how our fictional entertainment
portrayals weighs in parity to the
real life of a super heroine.
THE PLUTONIUM PATRIOT
Wow! Men just usually ask for my
phone number or my bra size!
General laughter and more hoots and wolf whistles.
THE PLUTONIUM PATRIOT
That said. I would say the
performances add a bit of
understandable commercial glamour
and sexiness to the occupation that
otherwise tends to lean a bit more
to tedious fact checking and
mundane procedural investigation
then the more exciting fist fights
in the streets with large
mechanical robots and alien
monsters that everyone tends to
first think of when they think
'super heroine.'
LIVE MALE ANOUNCER
I hear you are to be awarded the
key to the city. Again!
THE PLUTONIUM PATRIOT
Yes, it is a great and humbling
honor and one I look forward to
with auspicious and nervous
apprehension. I just hope I don't
power down and end up stark naked
in front of the entire press corps
again! Ha!
More laughter and howls.
LIVE MALE ANOUNCER
On a more serious note. What can
you tell us about this rumor of
some kind of sexual perverse
monsters in the Delta City sewer
and storm drain system?
THE PLUTONIUM PATRIOT
Well, as the mayor and chief of
police have already stated its only
a rumor.
But no one should be going down
into those dangerous tunnels
anyway. It's dark and dank and
smells bad and there are plenty of
two legged monsters down there in
the form of escaped felons and
gangs of thugs that, trust me,
nobody wants to walk smack into!
LIVE MALE ANOUNCER
One last question before you go as
I know your time is precious and
the city streets need your
benevolent protection. There is yet
another rumor. This one concerns an
apparent black market of something
called, 'super heroine milk'? Do
you know anything about that?
THE PLUTONIUM PATRIOT
Wow. That's a new one even for me.
Where do people get this stuff?! I
have heard of an underground market
of course. Every major city has its
fences and sadly Delta City seems
to have gone a step beyond that and
the fences have formed a sort of
shadow guild. You can get just
about any illegal things there.
From military weapons to stolen
merchandise of all kinds and in all
shapes and sizes.
But super heroine milk?! I mean,
what is that even suppose to mean?
Sounds like some gimmick or
marketing product that might host
your shows?
LIVE MALE ANOUNCER
There's an intro cue if I ever
heard one. Remember folks that it's
Wheezy Cough Syrup that keeps you
up all day and asleep all night.
Wheezy! When you need to stop that
rasping sore throat cough!
I want to extend a heartfelt thanks
for our guest today; The Plutonium
Patriot for taking the time to stop
by our live broadcast studios.
Thanks for coming. Now back to our
show!
General loud applause and cheering.
MISTY KISS
Ohhhh baby. Are you digging it? We
are about to head back to our
little song and dance number
tonight on FEM radio. I hope you
are enjoying this old broadcast
from the past. Looks like this show
was recorded live with live actors
and a live studio audience at the
Waitmoore Theater here in Delta
City in 1937 on January 3rd.
Seems from the archives notes that
the Waitmoore doubled not only as a
drama theater and radio hall but
also as a topless club for the
horny pervs of the day.
It burned down in 1947 and was
replaced by the Burlington. A
modest hotel in downtown that was
renovated and renamed the Superior
after the super heroine Superior
Woman in the late 1960's.
Torn down in the early 80's it was
replaced with a parking garage and
a small park. Both named after then
Mayor Krotch who turned states
evidence in 1987 and avoided what
would have been a lengthy sentence
behind bars.
In the 90's the entire area was
purchased by Brenda Wade and turned
into part of the massive downtown
renovation project. Full of small
businesses and public parks and
free mass transit.
Way to go girl! Brenda has always
been a solid supporter of FEM and I
have had the pleasure of having her
on my talk show Cock Talk where we
discuss the bizarre behavior of men
inside and outside of the bedroom
in relationships. And has SHE had
her fair share of such experiences!
Now back to our slice of the past
and the interesting things we can
see about the stated ideals of the
general public and how our grand
parents and great grand parents
actually related to the super
heroines in their mass Freudian IDs
and Ego's. You heard me. Let's play
doctor! Now drop your pants and
cough, big boy.
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Atomic Lass have you reached the
dock in question?
ATOMIC LASS
Yeah. Thanks to my body powered
atomic jet pack I have reached pier
37 and am hovering above The
Illustrious Dove. Seems quiet. Am
about to descend and take a closer
look about. Over.
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Hmmm. Why does the name of that
ship make my girls itch? Seems
familiar and yet...
ATOMIC LASS
Nothing much on deck. There's a
lone crew man in the deck house. He
hasn't seen me. There is a nice
limo parked next to the ship. I am
betting that is what ole Zing and
fat boy arrived in. I am going to
take a snoop inside the ship.
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
The hull might play havoc with your
helmet communications. So expect
some interment static and radio
drop out.
ATOMIC LASS
Gottcha doc. I am opening the hatch
now. No one so far. Place seems
deserted. Hopefully I can find
where Zin and Hung are hanging out
and use my atomic enhanced hearing
to find out what they are up to...
strange.
Here is a metal plague that
contains the ships registry number
and call signs posted inside the
empty radio room but it says the
ship is called the Illustrious-
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
DRAGON! The Illustrious Dragon!
ATOMIC LASS
Say that's right. How did you know?
Uh oh. Someone's coming. I don't
want to turn this into a full blown
fisticuffs yet. So I am going to
hide in this other room.
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Atomic Lass? Atomic Lass?! Can you
hear me? Drat! She must have shut a
door or ventured further into the
bowels of the ship where it is
cutting off my radio signal!
If that indeed is the Illustrious
Dragon then that girl is in
terrible danger. Even for an atomic
powered super heroine teen!
For the Illustrious Dragon is a
notorious white slaver ship both
feared and pursued by law
enforcement all over the world!
I can only hope her training and
atomic super powers are enough to
deal single handily with such
debase villainy! Less her chaste
virginity be much abused!
Musical ominous score plays and fades out.
ATOMIC LASS
Okay you thugs! You have much
abused my chaste virginity over the
past three hours since you got the
drop on me. Now tell me; what are
Zin and Hung doing on board this
ship! What evil plans are they
plotting! What dire events are they
unfolding! Go on! Speak! I charge
you on behalf of all decent law
abiding citizens who love democracy
and freedom! Speak!
THUG
Zin and Hung? You mean those two
guys who arrived in that swank
limo? They are in the Illustrious
Dove. The ship berthed on the other
side of the pier opposite of us.
ATOMIC LASS
Oh. I see. My mistake then. All
right. Just untie me and I will
pretend to forget all the
unspeakable things you have just
done to my ravished young teen body
for the past few hours and leave.
THUG
You for real? You know what a super
heroine teen brings on the black
market these days? We don't even
have to leave the city to sell your
sweet and tender ass.
Musical sting plays as thugs laugh.
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
As you can see your tasks here will
be moderately light. For the most
part you will be assisting me in my
lab work and as such will be
staying with me here at my home.
GIDDY YOUNG ORPHAN GIRL
Gosh! That sounds swell Ms. Lane.
When you came to the orphanage all
the other girls hid saying you come
and take girls away who are never
heard from again; but I knew you
were a good person!
But golly, what's that thing?
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Ah. That my pet is my atomic ray
cylinder. It gives young girls like
you who have a special gene super
powers. Would you like to try it?
GIDDY YOUNG ORPHAN GIRL
Can I REALLY?!
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Why of course my child. By the way.
You DO believe in the pursuit of
truth and justice and the American
way don't you? Above any and ALL
personal self costs?
That is; that the fight against
evil is worth every sacrifice. And,
er, you don't mind prancing about
naked as a jay bird in public do
you?
GIDDY YOUNG ORPHAN GIRL
Excuse me? What?
DOCTOR PURITY LANE
Never mind, never mind. In all good
time. Now, let's get you out of
that smock and into that cylinder.
Shall we?
Patriotic theme rises up and crashes to crescendo before
dimming back down.
MISTY KISS
Well kittens we can skip the outro
and the hard sell of more boxes of
corn syrup and wheat snacks to
break and rot your teeth.
It should be noted that the Delta
City radio shows featuring super
heroines of the times were a bit
more risque then what the rest of
the nation fared upon.
We thankfully don't see the muscle
man wearing his underwear on the
outside of his tights taking and
bouncing bullets off his chest with
a grin but then cowering down and
dodging the thrown empty gun less
it hits him in the puss.
This is no doubt due to the fact
that Delta City's super heroines
have always been very independent
women and that despite the best
efforts of the early forefathers of
the city to clean up the aftermath
of some of their more notorious
public sexual humiliations and
scandalous citywide topped and
often bottomless public battles
with a censored press and feigned
ignorance bordering on the
laughable.
That it's hard to pretend that when
a super heroine is gang raped by a
tentacle monster in the middle of a
downtown city park in front of
hundreds of eye witnesses, that
nothing really happened, other than
she 'got her man' good and hard,
again and again as she always does.
This no doubt leads to many of the
sexual asides and blunt sexual
remarks that are voiced by the
actors in the dramas that reflect
the real world words and actions of
the super heroines they portray.
And thus may seem out of conjecture
with the time they portray as it
was portrayed in other cities. In
art as often life; reality will
more or less win out over artifice
of affected moral will.
Unless the ungodly power of a
political party adopts it and then
its time to rise up the barricades
in the streets and fight for what
has always been right; the freedoms
of the individual before that of
the wealthy, and the equality of a
just and fair and open law that
topples all class injustice before
it and places the right of living
people before non-living business.
Now my little night owls its time
to leave our program and slip into
the weather and news hour as those
early bird commuter's alarm clocks
are starting to buzz all over our
fair city.
I just want to leave you with one
final word or two.
If you see today one of our fair
sister super heroines fighting in
the street for our safety and she
is in combat topped as often is the
case; do not let that pevy
boyfriend of yours snatch up her
bra for a souvenir.
But rather smack him soundly and
return our champions over the
shoulder boulder holder back to her
as those double GG-cup suckers cost
a fortune!
And its hard to lug those champion
sized chest cannons about even with
a super muscled slim narrow back
without some support. So lend a
girl YOUR support!
Amen sisters.
I will catch you in another few
hours on my talk show, Cock Talk,
where I think today's subject will
be; 'pervy boyfriends who want me
to dress up like a super heroine in
the bed room!' Kiss, kiss.
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